not-so-sticky

Even now, Dad tries to hide the issues with his memory. It's embarrassing to him and I think it was for a long time before anyone could identify a 'problem' with Dad. In some ways, Dad is still very clever so it's hard to tell when he's kidding and when he isn't. And I think because of this, I am uncertain the problems with Dad's memory really began. A couple of Friday afternoons ago, Kyrce and I wandered Uptown to Hudson Coffee Traders with Dad to meet an old friend of ours we hadn't seen in a year. No one was around to keep an eye on Dad so I decided to bring him with me. I thought he might enjoy tagging along and getting out of the house for a bit. Dad was truly in rare form on this afternoon. I don't think any of us could get a sentence out without Dad interrupting. When I asked him to please not interrupt, he insisted that if he didn't interrupt, we'd never let him get a sentence in! Disgusted with us trying to quiet him, he decided he...

Getting Dad anywhere in the car is not easy. So, I was happy to get an invitation from Aunt Babs to a family gathering in nearby Livingston. It wouldn't be too far - about 40 minutes. Typically, even 40 minutes would be far for Dad but I thought it'd be worth it for him to be surrounded by all the familiar faces he conjures up so often, especially his brother, Leo. Dad would be comforted by this since he spends much of his time gripped by fear, confused because he doesn't know who people are or where he is. Even though there isn't much left that is tangible to the Columbia County Dad remembers, the desire to get there is as strong as if there was. Throughout the day as habit, Dad typically seeks "a ride back to Columbia County". So today would be a bit easier than usual to get him into the car. [Exhibit A: children not properly attended causing mischief.] We spent most of the morning getting ready. It takes small milestones throughout the morning to make it ...

There wasn't enough time to act; I was paralyzed. Dad rode off into the dark abyss. Last night, we went to the carnival. Everything about the carnival was quintessentially carnival, even the part where we got ripped off on admission but walked away from the window before we realized this. I'm not particularly a fan of carnivals much anymore. At least, it doesn't bring me the glee it brought to me when I was little. My tastes have become a bit more sophisticated...though, I admit, not much... But just because carnivals are less fun to me doesn't mean that I don't feel a certain obligation of bringing my children the same amount of glee I had as a child at the carnival. Now the fun of the carnival is witnessing the kids and trying to absorb some of their enthusiasm. Cotton candy. Fried dough. The merry-go-round. Sausage and peppers. The 'Fun House'. Ah yes! We did it all. The rides looked a bit suspect. The brought me a high degree of nostalgia, but I wasn...

When my son, Seth, calls me on the phone, I'm always surprised, particularly by two things: That a 13-year-old boy would call his Mum just for the heck of it. That his voice is disconcertingly deep. This last point unsettles me. When did my little boy get this voice? There's something about the phone, this disembodied voice, claiming to be my Seth, that really gets me. Growing up happens too quickly but in that same creeping way in which you don't realize it's happening until it's too late and it has already happened by. It doesn't matter if you are the kid who this is happening to or if you are the adult watching this happen to your children. It's strange no matter what your vantage point is. When did my son's voice get so deep? When did he stop referring to his underwear as "butt covers"? When did he stop really hugging me? Now he tends to give me these begrudging, noncommittal hugs in which I suspect he rather avoid the entire situation alt...

Lilith always manages to find a reason to get out of bed. Sometimes she simply wants Dana or me to pick her up like a baby and carry her back over to bed. She smiles blissfully as we tuck her in "nice and cozy"...again... Other nights, it's not so easy. Occasionally, she demands a snack - a bad habit she has picked up from her bad parents. Night time kitchen snacking has really become a nightly social event in our house. Dana, Seth, Lily and I often gather after retiring to bed about a half hour later to get a drink or a snack. Although the gathering part is always fun, it's just not a good idea to snack and then sleep. Sometimes, Lily feels compelled to get out of bed to brush her teeth again. It's hard to argue with that. I mean, what parent forbids a child from tooth brushing? Another excuse that a parent shouldn't ignore, even if there is suspicion that the excuse is bogus, is when your child expresses a need to go 'pee-pee'. This was Lily's cr...

At night, I fall asleep instantly and I sleep like a rock - that is, until one of the kids or Dad wakes me up somewhere usually between the hours of 1 a.m. and 3 a.m. Barely awake, I stumble through the dark bedroom towards the culprit, praying I may soon return to slumber. Usually, it's Liam these days. Lily will just quietly sneak into our bed, unnoticed at first, until I wake up to her foot in my face. Mostly, it is Liam who I must get up for during the night. Liam and I sit in our quiet bedroom, listening to the others breathing their sleeping breathe. He will lay very still for a toddler. I sometimes forget that he isn't an infant because in some ways he still is cuddling like one. I watch Liam stare off into the dark, every moment watching his eyelids become heavier and heavier as he drifts off back to sleep. I don't want to be too anxious to lay Liam back down so I wait until I feel him resting very heavily into my arms. With Liam asleep, I return to bed. I already k...