Thursday in USR, we got one of those weird emails from Facilities. It was a warning that there was a black bear sighted on the grounds so tread cautiously!
Oh no! A black bear!
New Jersey kills me.
Previously, we received a notice about fox sightings on the grounds. I think I've mentioned this before... but the foxes were different from the bears, in that the foxes were not real. They were cardboard decoys placed to scare the geese away. I really wanted one of those decoys but I didn't think stealing one would be worth losing my job! :)
I should have had the production assistants do it. They stole us all poinsettias at Christmas time from the cafeteria to decorate our area. Probably not something I should write in a blog, but it was good for the company; it was good for our little team's morale.
Unfortunately, my poinsettia didn't make it. I watered it with coffee. Occasionally. Until it just died.
I used to reside in Shady, just beyond Woodstock, New York. Meeting a black bear on your back porch there is as common as finding a squirrel. I cursed them plentifully for breaking into our shed and strewing garbage across the deep yard, back into the surrounding woods. So, they were a nuisance but they never threatened me; not a one ever approached me.
If it weren't for the garbage, I would have considered them fine neighbors. Cute, even.
Far worse than the bears were the deer, who ate my tomato plants. And the turkeys. They aren't particularly bright or cute.
However, I must admit that finding a black bear on one's porch can be unsettling if you're not expecting it.
On one of our first nights in our house in Shady, I woke Dana up because I heard howling and barking outside. It sounded gruesome. Like werewolves about to rip through our front door and come in and eat us all up. They were so loud that it sounded like they already had broken through the front door!
Dana sat up quickly. He looked at me and I looked at him; our eyes must have been huge.
"What is that?" I whispered, anxiously. Seth was downstairs! If he heard this, I knew he'd never sleep alone again. Living in the middle of nowhere and Seth isn't a mix that I recommend combining.
Dana hushed me and sat very still, listening. It was loud! It was getting louder!
"Quick! Go downstairs! See what it is!" I demanded. Damned if I was going to get eaten! Let Dana go check it out!
Later, I realized his fears and mine were not of the same. I thought there was a pack of wild animals preparing to break into our house and eat us all. Dana thought our house was haunted and that there was something in the closet that was going to eat us all.
Jesus...so much for keeping a man around...
Dana's father explained to us later about coyotes...
So, it really shouldn't surprise me that New Jersians were startled by the bear. I heard that there was a helicopter out, trying to shoot the bear. I don't know if this was true or a rumor, but I hope to God it was rumor. I mean, why do they put out decoy foxes for the geese and shoot at bears? Geese attack! Shoot the geese and let the bears alone!
I want to compose these emails for a living. I want to be the one who sends out these notices and I want to be the one who writes them as well!
I want to transfer to Facilities.