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Day 77. in which it isn't our eye sight.

Dana can't see the TV. Honestly, I'm not certain how much of anything he ever really sees because he can't seem to read text that I can read from across the room. However, he has no insurance and I forget to put this on our to-do list. Dana doesn't remind me about it, and since I can see fairly well, it doesn't occur to me that Dana can't see exactly what I am seeing.

Eek...I hope that's not a metaphor for our life together! :)

Anyway, we tend to watch TV before bed after we retire to our room. It's really a task of futility and yet I've noticed us completing this ritual night after night lately. I think perhaps people become TV junkies only after they have small children. They are simply too exhausted to do anything proactive so that they must zone out to something external.

Typically, getting out of one's mind to an external peaceful place is a good thing to do.

But this does not apply to the relationship one has with the TV. This is not a good external place to focus on. It's dangerously addictive and you can't look away from it, no matter how bad it gets. It's a horrible habit.

But ours has sunk into far lower depravity. Because we never get to watch it. Not really.

Tonight Lily snuck over to our bed. She was scared to sleep in her bed, which makes sense since she spends most of her waking hours talking about or pretending to be a monster. She loves them. She loves to scare herself. I've never seen a child go from deliriously happy to frighteningly terrified quicker than Lily does. The range can go back and forth in less than 30 seconds, depending on who is doing the chasing.

Dana had some ridiculous mummy movie on our TV, which I didn't think was the best choice to have on, no matter how quiet it was, if we wanted to have a Lily-less night on our new mattress. I was being selfish about the mattress. I wanted to sleep in it a few nights without the kids. I longed for that elusive night of perfect sleep.

I tried to change the channel but we have this ancient 13 inch in our bedroom and as OK as my eyesight is, it isn't so good anymore as to be able to read this. A few years ago, no problem. But I suspect working on a computer all of the time is bad for my eyes. This damned TV electrocutes me every time I turn it off. I hate it. I know it's coming and as I move closer to the button, I flinch back with anticipation of being electrocuted. And yet I do this nearly every night. I am an idiot. It doesn't do this nearly as frequently to Dana. He only gets it occasionally. I am more electrically charged. The kids are forbidden from turning it on or off. I don't want to find out if through electrocution if they are more like Dana or more like me.

And any TV program that we play is so ridiculously quiet as to not disturb the babies that we can never really make out what is happening, anyway. I watched an hour of East of Eden recently before realizing that I had no idea what was happening. Only some father yelling at his son. An hour better spent sleeping. Or writing. Or just about anything, probably!

I couldn't find anything on.

"Dana, you take this. I can't find anything. "

I tossed the remote on him.

"What channel am I at?" he asked.

"830..." saying this aloud made me realize the futility of handing Dana the remote for help.

"OK...how about now?"

"God...642..."

"How the hell did I get way up there?"

"Give me the remote!" I demanded.

I started at the beginning again. God...nothing...more nothing...more nothing...

And it took so long to focus on a title of a show. I just couldn't read them. It was a blur and it took work to read the titles.

"I give up."

We were back on the mummy movie. Dana started laughing at me.

I realized I was too tired to watch anything, anyway.

And we didn't watch TV for yet another night.