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Day 57. in which Alex plans her services.

Because Seth had an appointment at the dermatologist this afternoon, I switched my work-from-home day from Wednesday to Tuesday. Because of the snow, and the cold, and the incredible effort it takes to pack up my entire household, I found I was going a bit stir-crazy. I had not actually left the house physically since the previous Thursday when I had gone to USR. I find myself looking out the window in the kitchen over our back yard, longingly waiting for the time we can return to outdoor play. We are all getting buggy.

Dana brought the kids to daycare, which left me with a little over an hour to myself before I had to login to my computer for work. Typically, I use this time to throw in laundry and get the house in order - a task much easier to accomplish while the kids are at Evie's since I don't have to keep them from climbing the bookcases or coloring on the walls. During these times, I clean at God speed.

But this morning, I decided to sit with Dad for a bit on the couch and have a bowl of Raisin Bran with him. The house was actually relatively orderly because I have been house bound for several days. I had some morning show on the television. I'm not really a fan of morning shows. The content mostly consists of trite stories masquerading as a variety of news and the cast typically delivering it is mostly made up of a mostly plastic and generic variety. There is a great deal of smiling, and a lot of rushing guests through descriptions of their personal trauma in between extensive commercial breaks.

OK, one last question, quickly did you feel when the gunmen entered the room?

The victims, often tearful, have 15 seconds to bear their souls while the anchor tries to appear both empathetic yet mindful of the impending commercial break.

This morning show made me somewhat sick. The segment was called "Funerals to Die For" and it focused on some emerging trend in which Americans are planning lanish funerals in the same manner they would plan a wedding. Honestly, I can't see spending a lot of money on a wedding. It's a one day affair in which a lot of planning and money goes into and at the end, you are officially married. You end up with a hang over, a lot of posed photographs and a slice of some over-priced cake you saved, sitting in your freezer, collecting freezer burn.

So what the hell would someone want a lavish funeral for?

I'm not cheap, but as I've stated before, I rather spend my money on something I truly enjoy and value. Perhaps some people enjoy weddings. So be it. But a funeral?

Some mindless woman they interviewed wanted to have her services at some public fountain. I forget the city, but it was some city that had at its center several fountains which she found aesthetically pleasing apparently. She didn't mention any particulars about why she might like these fountains. She just liked them. And she was planning a lavish service in which her friends would all gather and she wanted them to play the Beatles song "A Yellow Submarine". What could be a better way to commemorate her life and make her friends feel good?

Hey, I'm all about 'to each his own' but this is absurd. I cannot imagine how painful it would be to have my loved one pass and be gathered around some public fountain as "A Yellow Submarine" was played.

With that said, I want to be certain that no one wastes money on me when I pass. Here are my direct orders:
  1. I want to be cremated.
  2. I want to be put in a cardboard box afterI am cremated. Or a plastic baggie. Whichever is cheaper.
  3. I want my ashes to be tossed out in the cold ocean at Rye Beach, New Hampshire.
  4. I would then like my friends and family to gather for good pizza. Spare no expense on the good pizza.

I would like my family to continue vacationing to Rye Beach from time to time and swim in the cold ocean (nothing better...)

Dad is in total agreement with me and wants the same.